People Underestimate the Value of a Good Ramble

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

And the Season 11 American Idol Is...

Wow, all these kids are back on the finale of American Idol tonight and I seriously forgot most of them. Also, I don't understand why there's an extended dance routine from complete strangers in the middle of their opening number, especially since this is a show that is supposed to be about singing.  Are these people from some other Fox reality show that I'm - mercifully - unaware of?

I'm kinda wishing that somehow neither Phillip Phillips or Jessica Sanchez will win, but that in some sort of weird but incredibly fortuitous twist, Ryan Seacrest will be named the next American Idol. He deserves more than just money for being able to keep up the pretense that this show is still exciting and relevant.

John Fogerty is singing Have You Ever Seen The Rain with Phil and somehow Phil gets more applause. How can it be that I live in a world where this is possible? They also sing Bad Moon Rising, and John is such a nice guy that he doesn't even wince when Phil makes it sound all...wrong.

I hear Joshua Ledet performing Elton John's Take Me To The Pilot with Fantasia and once again I wonder why he didn't make it to the finale on his own, cause I think he was better than Fantasia. And she won.  Also, love how they just kept singing right into the commercial break. I like to think they'll still be there singing that same song all through this entire ep.

The ladies are doing some sort of disco medley with Chaka Khan. What's with all these one piece fitted cat suits? Cause seriously both Fantasia and Chaka could have done with slightly more concealing outfits.

During the Ford commercial, I detected screams for Phillip and yet not even a whisper for Jessica. Could that be a portent that we're gonna have another WGWG winner this year?

I kinda like that little guy who is there as Jessica's mentor. Can I go back to yesterday and vote for him to win? Question: Can they legally give a car to Jessica since she's not of age and may not even have a license yet? Look, these are just the kinds of things I think about.

I have no interest in this scantily clad pop singer, so I'm just gonna hit Mr. Mute Button and sit this one out. The lasers alone are giving me a migraine, I can't even imagine how terrible it sounds.

After the commercial break, we come back with Skylar Laine and her twin separated at birth musical inspiration, Reba McIntire singing some sort of rock-ish country song. I don't have enough interest to look up the name of it, and I'm thinking anyone who really cares probably already knows.

Next we have a tour of some random place they say is Steven Tyler's studio or apartment or garage or something.  Then Jessica Sanchez is up, singing more Whitney Houston, repeating her performance of I Will Always Love You. No one joins her on stage, so I'm guessing either she has no musical inspiration or who ever she wanted they couldn't get. Ryan doesn't explain why she's alone, so I guess we'll never know.

Did everyone know that she was on the first season of America's Got Talent? I just saw that when I was trying to find out if anyone else knew why she was all alone.

Anyway, now I join the guys, already in progress, singing a Neil Diamond medley. I think. Ah yes, and here is Neil himself. That's kinda fun.

I'm going to just ignore this weird "Singing the Phonebook" thing, cause it's not funny. And I'm sure even these kids wish they could have had nothing to do with it.

I'm glad there's this Jennifer Lopez section, cause my house is super hot right now and I need to go close all the windows and turn on the a/c for a little while. Plus I need to go potty and get a drink.

That was great! The break was long enough that I also got a chance to change into something cooler, clean up the kitchen and put away all the dishes in the strainer.

Ryan is scanning the crowd now, and recognizes Lauren Alaina, Taylor Hicks and then new couple Ace Young and Diana DiGarmo.  Ace looks crazy weird and then to make it even weirder, Ryan asks them on stage and Ace proposes. HE PROPOSES. On American Idol. (Then Constantine Maroulis re-tweeted someone who congratulated them on Twitter, cause all these people are sooooo classy.)

Anyway, since time is running out, Ryan basically pushes them to the side and announces Hollie Cavanaugh singing with Jordin Sparks. OK, I know I'm old, but when your musical idol is still basically a teenager herself, maybe you need a little bit more life experience. Or a lot more.

Other things may have just happened, but honestly, I was busy texting my friend Laura about Ace and Diana, and seeing what people thought on Twitter and I can really only do so many things at one time.

More of the guys, or some of them, performing a Bee Gees medley (badly) in honor of Robin Gibb passing this week.  (Just realized that this makes Barry the sole surviving Gibb boy, since Andy, Maurice and now Robin are all gone. And yes I know Andy wasn't in the Bee Gees, but he was still a Gibb boy.)

Here's my tribute to Robin, singing my favorite version of the Beatles Oh Darling from Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band:

Now we have Jessica singing And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going with Jennifer Holliday, who I guess is the original performer of this song on Broadway from back in the 80's or something. And here I thought it was a new thing for some musical that Jennifer Hudson was in. Or did she just make it popular?

Finally, some real music!!! Aerosmith on American Idol feels surreal, but I can turn up the volume all the way for the first time tonight. Or this season, for that matter. Does Steven Tyler even know how incredibly cool he is? And I love how Steven and Joe Perry love and hate each other at the same time. I guess when you've been together for 40+ years, you just develop that kind of relationship.

As we're closing in on the final ten minutes of show, Jessica and Phil sing a duet of Love Will Lift Us Up and again, interestingly, Phillip gets the screaming applause when he starts singing that Jessica does not get. Until the second time she sings (and Uncle Nigel has had time to get the "Applause" signs up for the audience). This is actually a good choice for these two, since it pairs a ballad singer (Jennifer Warnes) with a soulful singer  (Joe Cocker) in the original. But Phil and Jess still seem uncomfortably awkward singing together.

Now that we stand here at the last moment and Ryan is about to read the winner's name, I wonder if they've been putting up a smoke screen and Jessica is about to win, but then I realize that little girls with cell phones are the real winners here, when the fifth WGWG, Phillip Phillips is crowned American Idol 2012.

Was there really ever any doubt?

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