And the Season 11 American Idol Is...

Wow, all these kids are back on the finale of American Idol tonight and I seriously forgot most of them. Also, I don't understand why there's an extended dance routine from complete strangers in the middle of their opening number, especially since this is a show that is supposed to be about singing.  Are these people from some other Fox reality show that I'm - mercifully - unaware of?

I'm kinda wishing that somehow neither Phillip Phillips or Jessica Sanchez will win, but that in some sort of weird but incredibly fortuitous twist, Ryan Seacrest will be named the next American Idol. He deserves more than just money for being able to keep up the pretense that this show is still exciting and relevant.

John Fogerty is singing Have You Ever Seen The Rain with Phil and somehow Phil gets more applause. How can it be that I live in a world where this is possible? They also sing Bad Moon Rising, and John is such a nice guy that he doesn't even wince when Phil makes it sound all...wrong.

I hear Joshua Ledet performing Elton John's Take Me To The Pilot with Fantasia and once again I wonder why he didn't make it to the finale on his own, cause I think he was better than Fantasia. And she won.  Also, love how they just kept singing right into the commercial break. I like to think they'll still be there singing that same song all through this entire ep.

The ladies are doing some sort of disco medley with Chaka Khan. What's with all these one piece fitted cat suits? Cause seriously both Fantasia and Chaka could have done with slightly more concealing outfits.

During the Ford commercial, I detected screams for Phillip and yet not even a whisper for Jessica. Could that be a portent that we're gonna have another WGWG winner this year?

I kinda like that little guy who is there as Jessica's mentor. Can I go back to yesterday and vote for him to win? Question: Can they legally give a car to Jessica since she's not of age and may not even have a license yet? Look, these are just the kinds of things I think about.

I have no interest in this scantily clad pop singer, so I'm just gonna hit Mr. Mute Button and sit this one out. The lasers alone are giving me a migraine, I can't even imagine how terrible it sounds.

After the commercial break, we come back with Skylar Laine and her twin separated at birth musical inspiration, Reba McIntire singing some sort of rock-ish country song. I don't have enough interest to look up the name of it, and I'm thinking anyone who really cares probably already knows.

Next we have a tour of some random place they say is Steven Tyler's studio or apartment or garage or something.  Then Jessica Sanchez is up, singing more Whitney Houston, repeating her performance of I Will Always Love You. No one joins her on stage, so I'm guessing either she has no musical inspiration or who ever she wanted they couldn't get. Ryan doesn't explain why she's alone, so I guess we'll never know.

Did everyone know that she was on the first season of America's Got Talent? I just saw that when I was trying to find out if anyone else knew why she was all alone.

Anyway, now I join the guys, already in progress, singing a Neil Diamond medley. I think. Ah yes, and here is Neil himself. That's kinda fun.

I'm going to just ignore this weird "Singing the Phonebook" thing, cause it's not funny. And I'm sure even these kids wish they could have had nothing to do with it.

I'm glad there's this Jennifer Lopez section, cause my house is super hot right now and I need to go close all the windows and turn on the a/c for a little while. Plus I need to go potty and get a drink.

That was great! The break was long enough that I also got a chance to change into something cooler, clean up the kitchen and put away all the dishes in the strainer.

Ryan is scanning the crowd now, and recognizes Lauren Alaina, Taylor Hicks and then new couple Ace Young and Diana DiGarmo.  Ace looks crazy weird and then to make it even weirder, Ryan asks them on stage and Ace proposes. HE PROPOSES. On American Idol. (Then Constantine Maroulis re-tweeted someone who congratulated them on Twitter, cause all these people are sooooo classy.)

Anyway, since time is running out, Ryan basically pushes them to the side and announces Hollie Cavanaugh singing with Jordin Sparks. OK, I know I'm old, but when your musical idol is still basically a teenager herself, maybe you need a little bit more life experience. Or a lot more.

Other things may have just happened, but honestly, I was busy texting my friend Laura about Ace and Diana, and seeing what people thought on Twitter and I can really only do so many things at one time.

More of the guys, or some of them, performing a Bee Gees medley (badly) in honor of Robin Gibb passing this week.  (Just realized that this makes Barry the sole surviving Gibb boy, since Andy, Maurice and now Robin are all gone. And yes I know Andy wasn't in the Bee Gees, but he was still a Gibb boy.)

Here's my tribute to Robin, singing my favorite version of the Beatles Oh Darling from Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band:

Now we have Jessica singing And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going with Jennifer Holliday, who I guess is the original performer of this song on Broadway from back in the 80's or something. And here I thought it was a new thing for some musical that Jennifer Hudson was in. Or did she just make it popular?

Finally, some real music!!! Aerosmith on American Idol feels surreal, but I can turn up the volume all the way for the first time tonight. Or this season, for that matter. Does Steven Tyler even know how incredibly cool he is? And I love how Steven and Joe Perry love and hate each other at the same time. I guess when you've been together for 40+ years, you just develop that kind of relationship.

As we're closing in on the final ten minutes of show, Jessica and Phil sing a duet of Love Will Lift Us Up and again, interestingly, Phillip gets the screaming applause when he starts singing that Jessica does not get. Until the second time she sings (and Uncle Nigel has had time to get the "Applause" signs up for the audience). This is actually a good choice for these two, since it pairs a ballad singer (Jennifer Warnes) with a soulful singer  (Joe Cocker) in the original. But Phil and Jess still seem uncomfortably awkward singing together.

Now that we stand here at the last moment and Ryan is about to read the winner's name, I wonder if they've been putting up a smoke screen and Jessica is about to win, but then I realize that little girls with cell phones are the real winners here, when the fifth WGWG, Phillip Phillips is crowned American Idol 2012.

Was there really ever any doubt?

Two Down, Nine To Go

From AmericanIdol.com

So instead of a whole group number on American Idol tonight, they are putting the kids into smaller groups to sing.  Why? I can't stand the group numbers as it is....this is even worse. It's like having to sit through the concert before the concert. At least by the time they get to my part of the country in the Fall, they've had months to prepare.

First up is Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina. They sing some country song and then Ryan tells them they're both safe. Wow, that's a surprise. (And that's my sarcastic voice, in case you couldn't tell.)

Is it just me or are the Ford commercials getting even lamer than they've always been?  Also, why don't we ever see these commercials on TV at other times? They serve no purpose if no one ever sees them.

Next up is Jacob Lusk and Naima Adedapo singing Ashford & Simpson's Solid. I recognize the song, anyway, but it kinda sucked. Ryan tells them that Jacob is safe and Naima is not. Again, I exhibit absolutely no surprise.

I have a feeling that tonight is gonna be pretty tame and uneventful after last week's craziness. Two people will be going home, but they're almost certainly going to be some combination of Naima, Stefano, Thia and Paul.

Fantasia looks like a giant next to Ryan. I don't remember her being that large.

After Fantasia we have Haley Reinhart, Thia Megia and Pia Toscano singing Teenage Dream, Katy Perry. I only know this song cause of Glee and I thought it was just as inappropriate when they did it. Just saying. Ryan tells them that Pia and Haley are safe. Oh, he drags it out a little more than that, but that's what happens.

Oooh look, Idol winner Kris Allen and his little bitty teenager-looking wife are in the audience.  It's interesting that they haven't asked him to come sing or anything like that. They've had the non-winner Adam Lambert back twice.

All this stuff they're showing us about the house leaking and Mark Anthony and everything, that happened last week, right? And did anyone else notice that the stand in judge for Steven Tyler is bald?

Now we have the Idol band, Paul McDonald, James Durbin, Casey Abrams and Stefano Langone with their rendition of Band on the Run, Paul McCartney and the Wings. If I'm being honest, the only one of them who sounds good is James. And I don't even like him. Ryan tells them that Casey and James are safe.

So, wait, it comes down to the exact four people that I said it would.  I must be psychic.

The final person in the B3 is Paul. I'm slightly torn about this, cause I'm not sure if I like Paul or Stefano better, but since I don't care about either of them that much, and since I'm fairly certain that the girls will both be going home, it doesn't matter.

It just occurred to me that the best part of the judges already using the save is that we won't have to listen to the losers sing their way out. Please. Please, please, please.

So, we have the Jamie Foxx/Will.i.am thing happening. They call it singing, but since I fast forwarded through it all, I didn't have to make that determination.

And, to absolutely no one's surprise, Naima and ThiaMariaMegia (I just couldn't resist) will be going home.