How Deep is Your Love for Hollywood Week

Hollywood.

People still flock there in large numbers every year, probably every day. They want to become a Star, with a capital S. Hollywood week on American Idol shows us why so many of them end up, as the old song goes, parking cars and pumping gas.

Truthfully, I still don't have any one person who stands out that I really like. OK, maybe the guy that's with his ex-girlfriend who has that Joe Cocker vibe. The guy does, not the girlfriend. Possibly that other guy with the beard who looks way older than 19.  I liked them.

If that chick that Randy said had the most personality of anyone ever on Idol (clearly he's forgotten all about Mykala Gordon, and I only wish I could, too) hadn't been so annoying, I would have felt sorry for her. She was so confident and excited, and going home in the first round sudden death eliminations of Hollywood week has got to hurt. But I'm pretty sure the constant cheeriness and internet videos would have made me want to drop kick her by the end of next week anyway.

Also, I learned to hate the guy who was there with his girlfriend (they're rooming with the other guy and his ex-girlfriend) who got cut and kept trying to sing. Um, buddy, one shot means exactly what it sounds like. You get one shot and you didn't make the cut. Although, honestly, I didn't think he was that bad or that she was that good.

Actually, most of the girls sound pretty generic and interchangeable to me.  The only other chick I can even recall (who's not part of a duet) is the cute little blonde who sang an Aerosmith song at her audition (the one that Steven Tyler sang with, not the other one, which I guess does make her part of a duet) and Unchained Melody last night. (At least I think that's what she sang. And, by the way, isn't that Simon Cowell's favorite song?)

The group numbers are my favorite part of American Idol. I remember feeling cheated last year for some reason, like they cut Hollywood week short and we didn't get to see as much drama. But the real reason I love the group numbers is that sometimes this happens:

American Idol Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry

It's a terrifying but true fact that I was actually looking forward to American Idol last night. What happened to me in just a few short weeks?

I had heard yesterday how Ryan Seacrest announced on his radio show that the producers were going to make a public apology for "Steven Tyler's outrageous behavior last week." I knew it had to be some sort of lame joke. The same sort of silly stuff that the Idol  producers always seem to think is funny when it's just really stupid. As it happened, since it was right at the start of the show, I pretty much missed it anyway. Besides, what in the world were we supposed to think that Tyler had done that was so bad?  Sure he's a creepy lech, but he hasn't done anything more outrageous than any other Idol judge.

The saddest part of that is how Ryan goes right along with all the lameness.  When he's playing around with the contestants, you can just see him making fun of people without them being aware of it, but still in a nice way. He seems like he's genuinely funny with a good sense of humor and just an all over nice guy. I have to believe that he only goes along with all the lame producer humor in a tongue-in-cheek kinda way. Although last night, when he kept hugging that 17 year who's in love him, I was a little concerned that maybe Steven Tyler's lecherous ways were rubbing off on him.

I kept thinking that if she makes it past Hollywood and sticks around for a while, she may turn 18 and then all bets are off. I can think of worse ways to get your CD some air play than by sleeping with a prominent producer/radio show host/TV personality. Watch out, Ryan!

In the time it took me to tell you about the not funny Idol humor, I completely forgot whatever else I was going to say. It may even have been about some of the contestants. But the only one I can recall at this moment is the cowboy, John Wayne something...John Wayne Gacy, John Wayne Bobbitt. No, those aren't right.  But whatever. He sang country (no surprise there) and he loves his mother (clearly he's the forgiving sort, cause she was responsible for naming him John Wayne).

Other not so interesting events were....well, I can't think of any right now. But I do have to say I notice that Randy Jackson is different this year. Not only is he now the mean one (with Simon Cowell gone, someone had to do it) but he's more in charge and I'm hearing a lot less "Dawg" and "for me for you" and other random babbling.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I think our little boy is growing up.

Don't Tell People They're Not Good

Clearly Steven (don't you dare call him Steve) Tyler has never watched American Idol before.  His constant insistence that Randy Jackson be nice to everyone, regardless of how terrible they are, is completely opposite the entire spirit of the early audition phase. Making fun of people is the entire point of the show, isn't it? It's not? Then what have I been watching all these years?

Crazy people who think they're good when they suck aside, I must admit that the show has some touching moments.  The adopted-girl-who-lives-on-a-farm story was so adorable, I literally had tears in my eyes when she auditioned. Plus, I loved her parents.  The best part of the night was when she called home to tell her parents the good news:  "Dad, I'm going to Hollywood!" (pause) "Who's gonna pay your way?"

Come on, tell me you don't love a dad like that.

And what about the shirtless country dude in overalls who sang Josh Groban? I'm not even sure what that's about, but he had pretty eyes and I'm glad Steven Tyler is more of a pushover than I thought he would be.

Of course, Randy and Steven both letting the beauty queen through, when JLo gave her a No, was reminiscent of Simon Cowell and Randy giving Bikini Girl a pass to Hollywood when Kara DioGuardi hated her. Well, I hate her, too, but I disliked Kara even more, so that one was a toss up.

So, we're only four episodes in and I have a terrifying confession to make. Steven Tyler is starting to grow on me.