People Underestimate the Value of a Good Ramble

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The Winner of American Idol Season 10 is....

So what started as a season full of promise this year on American Idol came down to a penultimate boring country teen-fest last night. I wasn't surprised. I could see this coming from a long way back. I felt the manipulating hand of Uncle Nigel, gleefully creating the scenario he wanted, pushing the pieces into place. It felt inevitable, yet somehow I still retained my belief in free will. It turns out, Nigel won. I'm just not sure why he wanted what was definitely going to alienate people. Like those who aren't interested in watching two bland teenagers sing random country karaoke for an hour. I'd imagine there are plenty of people like that. Of course, if they are anything like me, they figured, I've come this far, I should stick it out to the boring country end.

I'm not saying this season was all bad. Some good came of it. For one thing, I bought my husband a melodica for his birthday and if he doesn't learn to play it, I might. But the part of this season I'm going to miss the most, the part that leaves a gaping hole, is...well, actually, it's two parts: Paul F. Tompkin's (@PFTompkinsIdol reviews in NY Mag and Michael Slezak's (@MichaelSlezakTV) Buffy-tinged Idoloonies at TVLine. They made Idol so much fun for me this year and I salute them. Thanks for a great year, guys! I suspect that their reviews would not have been as much fun without watching the show, so that almost makes all the time I spent on this thing worth it. Although, next year, I'm tempted to test that theory.

Tonight we embark upon the F-list-Star Studded Finale. Although one assumes that Steven Tyler (who I read is performing tonight) will be singing with James Durbin (since they sorta had an agreement), I think it's interesting that the only spoiler I've read more than one place is about Casey Abrams singing with Jack Black. It's like even after about a thousand weeks of this show and an ending engineered by the powers that be, the only person anyone cares about this year is Casey.  I know I feel that way.

So I'm watching the group number, with the sound muted of course, and I just realized that every single one of these kids makes crazy faces into the camera. Seriously. Re-wind that and you'll see it, too.

James Durbin is first up to sing and, interestingly, he's singing a medley with Judas Priest. So I guess that deal he and Steven made had an escape clause. I'm still not a James fan, but I miss him only cause he would have made for a more interesting country-lite finale.

Instead of more singing, right now we take time to make fun of the people behind the desk, starting with Randy "In It To Win It" Jackson. I used to like Randy.

Next we have Jacob Lusk with Kirk Franklin. This is also interesting, cause I never expected it. Good on Jacob for sticking with what he knows and where he's going to shine. He definitely needs to engender some goodwill with America. And, oh, look at this, Gladys Knight. What the heck does she need to sell?

Did you just see?? My babies were on during the American Idol finale!

Now, it's time for Casey Abrams and Jack Black singing Queen's Fat Bottom Girls. That was fun. I'm just glad no one is going to pretend to judge anything this week.

On to the all girl group number medley. All I really notice is that Karen Rodriguez doesn't even try to sing any of the words in Spanish. Weird, cause I thought she was somehow under contract to do that in every single song she sings. Ever. After about an hour, the girls are joined by Beyonce, but by this point, I've left the room and I'm busy doing something else.

We move on to making fun of Steven Tyler. Yes, he swears on camera. We know.

Yay! Haley Reinhart is paired with Tony Bennett. I love her now. I'm not sure how it happened, but suddenly, she's good. I think it was cause of all the beatings she took.

Apparently, making fun of Jennifer Lopez isn't possible. All they can do is talk about how beautiful she is.

I have no idea what I'm seeing here now. Some sort of synchronized dancing from bondage people. Oh, wait, is that the Idols?  What is going on? Sometimes I think I need to pay more attention to this show and sometimes I'm glad I'm not. This is both of those times.

Getting back to the country music that all love so much, Scotty McCreery and Tim McGraw sing a lovely country song about death.

Just for fun, we get to re-visit all the stupidity and silliness from the early auditions. Actually, there's not that much.

Mark Anthony sings and Jennifer Lopez dances. Clearly, they plan to drag this thing out as long as possible with all sorts of unnecessary filler.

The boys' group sing. Honestly, I have nothing to say about any of this. I just want it to be over. Tom Jones joins them.  He looks older, but he sounds exactly the same. OK, maybe not exactly, but pretty close. Sometimes bringing these old guys on to this big stage tends to just show off how badly they've aged. He was not as bad as some we've seen. And you know it.

A shot of Ryan Seacrest in the audience, with security guard Aaron behind him, nodding his head in agreement to whatever Ryan is telling us. This is followed by some sort of Ford commercial where the Top Two talk about going home to invite a teacher back to the finale and then present them each with keys to a new Ford Focus.  Scotty and Lauren are told they get to pick any Ford vehicle they want. Apparently, Ford doesn't have any new hybrid to push this year.

Lady Gaga. That is all.

There's only about 38 minutes left of this show, which for some odd reason is on until 10:07 pm. Um, you couldn't have just gone to 10:05 or 10:10? Or added one more stupid nothing song and ended at 10:15? I don't like odd numbers. They're too uneven.

In any case, I was just hoping this thing was almost over. But no, we still have to live through Little Lauren Alaina singing with Carrie Underwood. It always amazes me when these kids think of someone from American Idol as an influence on their lives. Seriously, Carrie Underwood has only been around for a couple of years. But I guess when you're only 12, that's like forever.

More Beyonce, cause clearly once wasn't enough.

Bono and The Edge do some boring, silly Spider-Man musical thing with a guy I don't know. Didn't Bono used to stand for something? Besides commercialism? Don't even get me started on what I think about people who refer to themselves as "the" anything. Pretentious twits.

Please make this show end!!!  There's still 16 more minutes and it feels like an eternity.

Hey, here's something I actually like. Steven Tyler singing Dream On. I feel a little bad that Joe Perry and the boys dissed him by refusing to be on Idol. But he doesn't really need them for this anyway. That was cool, a live Steven Tyler concert. Just for me. That almost made living through these past two hours of hell worth it. Almost.

Only 10 minutes now. Ryan promised he wouldn't let my DVR cut off in mid-winner proclamation, so he'd better hurry this thing up.  We need to announce the winner and have them sing their own Do I Make You Proud That This is My Now Inside Your Heaven at The Time of My Life with No Boundaries.

And, now, finally, the winner is .... Scotty McCreery!

I never doubted it for a minute.

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